Choice

I knew what I was getting into all along. But when the fancy dates turned into late late night calls, I faced the inevitable end with not much disappointment. I wonder how stupid some people can be, or how cynical it is I've become. It gets sadder every time a man tells me I'm beautiful or some other sweet nothings (and I mean nothing) that it's either he thinks I'm a corn fed naïf or my ego was overblown a long time ago.

Again, we live on an island and the community is so small that you can have someone's complete romantic past and MO from Tainan to Taichung, back to Taipei faster than you can google something on the web. I think of one guy friend whose reason for moving to China was because he'd Wilt Chamberlain-ed Taiwan. After I'd told Tasha about the whole Brad thing, she got back to me with stories of his many escapades (even though she'd never met him) and I didn't know if I should be scared off or suitably impressed.

After that debriefing, I was dying to ask Tasha about Antony. She sidestepped my queries artfully by whisking me off to a house party at the infamous crack house - you know where I'm talking about.

Another night. Another party. It was 6am. I was weary and way too sober for all this. I hate it when a guy strikes up a conversation with you, which ends with palpable disappointment on his part. Yeah, sorry dude...as if ten minutes of small talk gets you more than maybe me remembering your name. I've grown accustomed to the circling wolves eyeballing prey - but tonight was the worst I'd ever seen - salivating jackals desperate for any leftover flesh to tear into.

Speaking of wolves...suddenly, Brad. I hadn't heard from him for about two weeks. I thought I'd be the bigger man and go say hi. As soon as I looked into his eyes, I knew it was over.

"What are you doing after this?" It was half way between a suggestion and an off the cuff question.

"I'm taking off now." It was a statement and not an invitation.

Pause. The indifferent kind.

Brad's eyes shifted around the whole time, but I wanted to say something. For a moment I felt like telling him that I really enjoyed hanging out with him and wished we could have a friendship, but I knew a man like him had his boys and girls were little more than passing fancies (to put it nicely).

It seemed better to keep the wording vague. "So, see ya around."

"You're a smart girl Missy. I like you a lot." Calculated pause. "There are too many options here. Five minutes after you walk away, it'll be just as easy to ask someone else what they're doing after."

He kissed me on the cheek and said, "Get home safe."

I made my way downstairs when my cell rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey Missy, just wondering what you're up to." It was one of my favourite people, Cal, a friend I don't get to see often.

"Leaving a party, heading home."

"Oh yeah? You want some company?" Usually, I'd consider this to be purely innocent as many of my friends are night owls, and sometimes you want someone to drink vodka with until you pass out Sunday midmorning. But the overly casual tone set off a warning.

"I'm just gonna go to sleep actually. Talk to you later."

I was a little bit in shock, but not surprised. Yup it was time for some much needed slumber. I just wanted to be alone where it was safe. There was Bobby talking up some skirt. The girl glared at me coldly and walked away when I interrupted to say good-bye to him. Although chances were less than slim, I was hoping to share a cab with him as Tasha had ditched me per usual.

"Sorry babe, I've had sex with two different girls tonight, in the bathroom. I think I'm going to stay until I hit a couple more."

I called Tasha to bitch her out but instead she told me that Cal had called her second, after his ex-girlfriend. Great, unceremoniously dumped by Brad, and then not only does Cal try to meat me, but I was his third choice!

Feeling supremely trashed, I grabbed a drink out of someone's hand and made my way to the balcony for a much needed cigarette.

"Mind if I join?"

As I turned around, thinking how lame an opening line that was, I realized it was the cute dj I'd met awhile back.

"Hey Seth, oh my gosh how are you?" My voice went up several octaves.

"Good, good. How have you been?"

"Well thanks."

"Cool. I'm on way out. I noticed you standing out here and just wanted to say what's up."

With that he left, as much a gentleman as I'd last encountered him, instantly renewing my faith in mankind.